walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize