We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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