Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
