There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
