it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
