Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
