ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
