Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
