ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize