HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
