Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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