There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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