Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
