Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
