I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need moral support for this bender
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
