you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
