Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
this is an emotional support booty call
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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