are you still at the devil's house?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
