Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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