What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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