What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
