im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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