My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
