There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
