Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
