I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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