Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
