i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
