I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
