last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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