and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize