look no pants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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