did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
