We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
