I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
