It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
