Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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