Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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