Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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