i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
