Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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