yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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