just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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