Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize