Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
