i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
