He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
