peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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