I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
