I love black thongs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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