I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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