is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize