When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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