i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
