can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
