No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
time to smoke my breakfast
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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