do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
