I feel great
I just peed on a car
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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