I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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