At least make sure they are 18
Why
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
