STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize