just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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