I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
